does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
