Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
