Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
