grandma shit on top of the toilet
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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