your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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