hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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