i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
