Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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