Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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