last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
