Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
