Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
