the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
