dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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