I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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