I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
