so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
