so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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