so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
