Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
