why didn't you poke me back
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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