So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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