I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
