Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
