Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
