we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
