wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
