"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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