I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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