Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
