There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
