Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
