I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
