Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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