Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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