please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
