I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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