i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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