Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
