I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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