I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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