I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
