I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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