roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
