How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
