She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
