White coat. Heels.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
