What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
