You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
