he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
